Shades of Grey
by notantihero
Summary: When Chie rejects Yukiko, Rise is left to pick up the pieces. Chie, of course, is not entirely happy of the new development.
1. Chapter 1

**Shades of Grey**

**Disclaimer:** Do not own p4.

* * *

><p>It's not that Chie doesn't like Yukiko, because she does. She likes her a lot. Hell, she's the first in Satonaka Chie's Most Important Things in Life (ranking above steak and Way of the Dragon) list. They're best friends, right? Or were. Because last night every assumption she had about their relationship was shot to hell when Yukiko...<p>

She's not sure what they are right now. She doesn't want to remember it. But Souji once said – when Chie told him how much her Shadow troubled her – that you can't escape the truth by feigning amnesia. She thought it was a strange way to put it, but now she realizes the truth behind his words. So she's not going to do that. She is not going feign amnesia when she sees Yukiko at school tomorrow. Yukiko deserves better than that.

It's entirely her fault, she won't deny it. She should have noticed the tell-tale signs. The furtive glances Yukiko cast her; her uneasiness when they shared a tent at the excursion; how Yukiko always heals her first in fights; her way of avoiding Chie the last few days. Or the expensive track jacket – the one she has always worn since – Yukiko bought her for Valentine's Day. She knew Yukiko had saved and scrimped for that, but Chie didn't even care because _holy crap it's the one I always wanted thanks Yukiko, love ya!_ she was too ecstatic to even care. Didn't even reciprocate when White Day came. It hurts when she thinks of it now, when she thinks about how Yukiko must have felt. She should have known. But it's no secret she's a blockhead. Yosuke was right when he said that her head only has fighting and steak inside its empty space. She wishes she didn't galactic punt him then, because it's the truth, and she's too dumb to even realize she's dumb.

So she's going to talk to Yukiko tomorrow. She'll say she's sorry, and explain things, and then they'll smile at each other with rainbows in the background, maybe share their lunch, and remain BFF's for life, right?

...yeah right. Even Chie's optimism doesn't extend that far. Even if the BFF's for life part doesn't happen, she just hopes they will at least remain friends. Chie can live with that. It's better to be friends, than to be none at all.

* * *

><p>The periods came and went, but Yukiko never looks at her. Instead she remains hunched over her desk, silently doing her work, with the barest hint of a forced smile offered to those insensitive enough to bother her.<p>

"Oh come on, Amagi, I went through all the trouble and you won't even look at me?" the idiot says, standing over Yukiko's desk like he owns the damn place. Smug jerk. "At least make me look good in front of my friends yeah? Just one date, please?"

Chie can't stand it anymore. She slams her desk and stands up, staring at the boy fully in the eye. "Are you deaf? She. Doesn't. Want. To. Leave her alone or I'll break your arm, yeah?"

"Fucking dyke," the boy mutters, trying to look cool by slinking away with his hands in his pockets and all, but failing and looks only like a pathetic coward. Chie's satisfied. Idiot's not going to attempt the Amagi Challenge again. Ever.

But her satisfaction doesn't last long, because Yukiko still won't look at her. There was a halfhearted mumble of thanks, but that's it. Chie wants to shake her shoulders and tell her to look at me damnit! but it's her fault and she can't. She can't.

So she spends lunch staring at her desk, because Yosuke and Souji is together at the rooftop, and there's no one else she knows in the class.

* * *

><p>When the third day rolls by, Chie has had enough. Yukiko deserves better than a halfhearted denial, but what does <em>Chie<em> deserve? Certainly she also deserves better than the constant silence; the averted gaze; the stupid fake smile. Even Yosuke and Souji are starting to worry, judging from the questions directed at Chie. Do you know anything about it? What's wrong with Amagi? Is Yukiko-san alright? Did she eat something weird? and so on. There's nothing Chie can do but shrug. Because she knows all too well what's wrong with Yukiko, and she's not sure if Yukiko will appreciate... that... circulating around.

So she's going to end it today. All or nothing. She will either live forever in Yukiko's silence – watching helplessly as their friendship drifts apart, or she will confront Yukiko, get emotional, maybe cry a little, and force all the things unsaid out of of their chests. And then it'll end up with an all climatic hug between best friends.

So. Saturday noon. Yukiko always goes around to buy supplies for the inn like a clockwork. If she just waits at this place, then in another five seconds... three. Two. One-

Chie ambushes Yukiko as she turns towards the bend leading to the central shopping district. "BOO!" she shouts, then immediately thinks: _what the hell_. Out of all the things she could have said

(oh hi fancy meeting ya here I didn't know oh sorry you doing shopping hey that bag looks heavy lemme carry those for ya)

she chose 'boo'? 'Boo' as in, I'm trying to make sure you're going to die young from cardiac arrest; y'know, just in case. Tee-hee-hee. Stupid stupid stupid.

Luckily, Yukiko isn't of such a frail constitution, thus she merely stares at Chie blankly, stares, and... and turns jerkily and walks back towards the direction she came from. Or tries to, at least. Because Chie, with her conditioned reflex, has managed to grab the neck of Yukiko's vest before she could even take a step.

Oh god, Yukiko'll be mad because I'm stretching her favourite vest, Chie thinks for one odd moment. It must have been a strange sight: her grabbing Yukiko and Yukiko facing away from her. She wonders if she looks like a sex offender, because Yukiko is so frail and delicate, and Chie's so... so strong and so. Well, tomboyish.

"Um, Yukiko?" Chie says cautiously, slowly releasing her death grip. "Sorry, I didn't mean to stretch it- wait, that's not important. I mean, can we have a talk?"

She's almost afraid that Yukiko is going to run away, because Chie knows Yukiko would rather smile and pretend she's happy than to even slightly cause inconvenience to anyone else. She also knows that however perfect someone is, there's always something hidden deep inside them: the repressed side. She's come to terms with it, like how she came to term with her Shadow, and she doesn't let her jealousy of Yukiko's beauty bother her anymore. It's only natural to feel jealous, after all.

But Yukiko. There's something... something Chie can't quite catch about her. It's as if she had accepted her Shadow, but only because. Like the words came out of her mouth, but the inside was just hollow. But maybe Chie thinks too much. Because it's Yukiko, and Yukiko would never. Never what? Keep secrets from her? Because she just did

(and for _how long_)

until five days ago, alright?

Chie is afraid, afraid Yukiko might run away again from her. Because she likes Yukiko, and she's going to try her best to help her. But she just doesn't like her in _that_ way. Oh god, her thoughts are so messed up. She wants the steak skewers from Souzai Daigaku and maybe a bottle of sedatives for the imminent headache.

She decides to make a grab for Yukiko's elbow – and nearly reaches it, but then Yukiko turns around and says: "you stretched it."

Chie immediately retracts her outstretched hand. "Err... I did? Sorry, I'll make it up by buying you a new one, 'kay? Wait, why are we talking about clothes?"

Yukiko laughs at this, and Chie is beginning to see her old friend emerge. "Oh Chie," Yukiko says, looking as if she's trying hard to suppress a maniacal giggle. "It's so typical of you to be so easily sidetracked."

"Oh well, it's one of my advantages: being the blockhead of the group," Chie smiles wryly, hand on the back of her head.

"No. You're just being Chie. And that's everything that counts."

"Yukiko..."

"And I think," Yukiko says without so much as a dramatic buildup, "there's something you want to talk about?"

Chie hates it when Yukiko is an emotionally blank slate like this. She's used to knowing what her best friend (or was; but she won't let that happen) feels – but times like this, when there's no tell-tale sign of the storm beneath her demure countenance, then that's when it spells trouble. Last time it happened, they ended up fighting a huge bird with Yukiko's face, after all. So. "You've been avoiding me."

"No I'm not. I'm just exhausted from helping mother with the accounting." Chie stares at her. Yukiko stares back. Then drops her gaze and shuffles on her feet. She sighs and says with resignation: "fine. I was. But you know why, Chie."

"Because you're embarrassed."

"That's one way to put it mildly."

Chie is suddenly angry. "So you've been avoiding me for _three days_, just because you're embarrassed? You ran away from us just because you're-"

"Ran away?" Yukiko says it with so much venom Chie is taken aback. "You're the one who ran, Chie. Without so much as a word. Do you know how it feels to have your friend so disgusted by you she _bolted_ away?"

"Bolted- I-" she wants to say she didn't. But she did. Left Yukiko at the riverbank and never so much as looked back. "I did. I'm sorry, Yukiko. But it's just so sudden, and I... I'm not. Not."

"A lesbian?"

"Ready. We could-"

"Don't, Chie. Don't. If you say that, it will just delude me into thinking there's hope. For me. For us." And Yukiko gives such a sad, sad smile it's almost painful to look at her. "I'm okay. I really am. So please stop beating yourself. It's not your fault, Chie; it's not our fault for feeling the way we do."

There's nothing else. Chie wants to talk more; ask more; just keep the conversation going. But the window is closed. And maybe there's nothing left unsaid. So Chie takes Yukiko's hand in her own and looks into her eyes – forcing her lips up into an awkward smile. "Hey," she says, "we'll always be friends, right? BFF's forever."

"Yes. Friends. Forever."

And then Chie moves in and hugs her.

* * *

><p>Rise corners her after the next session of TV delving.<p>

"Yukiko-sempai. Is there anything you want to tell me?" Rise says, and Yukiko thinks she could have chosen a better place for this. Somewhere not inside the TV, for example.

They're the only remaining people in the TV – thanks to Rise's glare when Yosuke suggested they should get it on and upload it on Youtube. Chie, of course, lingered for a moment, looking at Yukiko with concern, but finally relented when Rise shooed her out.

If only Rise isn't standing in front of the exit – because no matter how much shorter the other girl is, Yukiko can't bring herself to try to overpower her. It's just not ethical. "There's nothing," Yukiko says finally, discreetly trying to find a crack in Rise's defense.

"I _know_ there's something going on. Admit it, sempai." Now Rise's hands are on her hips.

"No there isn't," Yukiko says to her fan.

"Yes there is."

"No there's not."

"Yes there- oh, I feel like I'm back at kindergarten again."

Don't worry, Yukiko feels the exact same thing. If only Rise isn't so persistent. Or so blunt. "There's really nothing, Kujikawa-san." Yukiko gives her her best approximation of a I'm-so-happy-and-the-world-is-all-rainbows smile. "Really."

It must have worked, because Rise sighs and moves away from the exit. "If you says so."

"Thank you," Yukiko says, and immediately clambers into the TV, just in case Rise changes her mind and drags her back by the legs. But she can't shake the feeling that Rise is still staring at her, all the way until they leave Junes. Just her imagination.

* * *

><p>Yukiko has just arrived from Tatsumi Textiles when her mother confronts her at the entrance.<p>

"Oh, Yukiko, I never thought you have such a nice friend," her mother says, positively beaming. "You've only ever brought Chie-chan here, so I thought you don't have any other friends. Besides, you were such a quiet child... And she's so different from her image, too. Mother's so proud of you."

"Um. I don't understand. Friend?"

Her mothers slaps her fondly on the back. "Oh you, hiding such things from me- here she is!"

Yukiko looks behind her mother... and almost drops the rolls of fabric she's holding. Rise is there, her head poking from behind the door leading to the living room. Then the rest of her body follows.

Rise waves enthusiastically. "Yukiko-sempai! You're just in time. Aunt and I were just finishing tea, y'know."

"Kujikawa-san what-"

"Oh hey, that looks heavy, let me carry half of those." Rise pries it from Yukiko's clutch and immediately sets off towards the general direction of her room.

Yukiko, however, is still reeling from shock. How did. What. Why is she- and finds herself being pushed forward by her mother.

"Oh now Yukiko, don't be rude. Take the evening off and go play with your friend."

Yukiko wants to say that no one uses the word 'play' anymore after sixth grade, but she relents and trudges forward with a sigh. The day is just getting worse and worse.

**Continued**

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><p>Note: written for a badbadbathhouse prompt a few months ago. I haven't yet quite finished (cause rewrite. And oh, general plot things) and livejournal's 4000 character limit is getting annoying, this fic is getting long, so I thought I'd just post it where I don't have to divide each chapter into a dozen posts.<p> 


	2. Chapter 2

**Shades of Grey**

**Disclaimer:** Do not own p4.

* * *

><p>She finds Rise comfortably sitting on a cushion, the fabric placed neatly beside her. Rise grins and puts the rice cracker (from Yukiko's secret stash no less) she has been eating back into the plastic packet. "Hi sempai, fancy meeting you here."<p>

"I live here," Yukiko says as she slides the door close. She pats the cushion and proceeds to sit on it. "Is this about last time, Kujikawa-san?"

"Oh noo, just thought I'd drop by for some tea. Heard the Amagi Inn has the best, so I went. Your mother is really nice, y'know."

Somehow Yukiko doesn't quite believe it. Must be Rise's grin. And she only grins like that when she has something unpleasant planned for the receiver. "How did you know I'll come back here?"

"Well, you live here. Gotta come back sometime, right?"

Oh. Right. She lives here. Yukiko wants to hit herself with a fan for saying such a stupid thing. But her fan is inside her drawer, so she says instead: "I'll bring us tea, then. Is there anything you specifically want?"

"Hmm. I think green tea's fine. And maybe some sweets."

"Alright," Yukiko says, setting toward the door. She represses the urge to sigh, because there's a saying that your happiness disappears with each sigh. Or something similar. She doesn't remember, but she has sighed enough already, ever since she was rejected. It's hard not to sigh these days. The pain she feels with each exhale. Chie. Sigh. Oh Chie. Sigh. _Chie_. Sigh.

But lately the frequency has been decreasing, and she only finds herself doing that every few minutes instead of mere seconds a few days ago. Yes. It's been two weeks and she's definitely moving on. Definitely.

"Yuki-chan? What's wrong?"

Yukiko takes in her surroundings. She's in the kitchen, and Kasai is standing there with her trademark duck patterned apron. She must have spaced out and walked the forty metres and two flights of stairs thinking entirely of Chie. Okay. So maybe she hasn't moved on. But she's trying. Trying and failing. She doesn't want her employees worrying, so she smiles and points to the sweets Kasai has arranged on the counter. "I have a guest in my room, so I thought I'll bring her tea and sweets. Do you mind?"

"Oh, not at all! It's Kujikawa Rise-san isn't it? Such a sweet girl. Here, bring some meat buns and vegetable tempura too, Yuki-chan."

And so Yukiko finds herself going back with a heavy tray full of sweets, meat buns (why?), tempura, two cups, and a pot of tea. If not for her meticulous training, she would have dropped it from the sheer weight. She stands in front of the door and wonders how she will open it with both hands occupied. Maybe she should use her foot, but it's inappropriate and surely mother will reprimand her if she finds out. Or maybe-

The door slides open and she finds her hands suddenly empty. It seems that today Rise is determined to pry as many items as possible away from her.

"Thanks. Looks delicious," Rise says after she places the tray on the table. She then arranges the cups and pours the tea into both. "Don't just stand there. Sit here, sempai."

Yukiko obliges. "I hope this is enough for you," she says, automatically reverting to her role as the Amagi heiress. "If you desire something else, please do not hesitate to ask."

Why is Rise looking at her like that? Like she has done something strange and not aware of it. "...no, it's alright," Rise says after a pause, now happily looking at the assortment of food she has lined on the table. "Looks like it can feed four people. Lucky, since I skipped dinner so I'm starving right now."

"Dinner? Why?" Because Rise never skips her meals. It will cause her to overeat at the next meal, she had explained once. Yukiko wonders if there is something wrong.

Rise tears a bun in half. "Oh, I've been fishing. Do you mind if I start first?"

Fishing? Fishing is definitely not in Rise's list of hobbies. Or even in her list of barely tolerable activities, judging by how she almost snapped Souji's fishing pole in half the last time he dragged the team on one of his fishing trips. There must be something Rise is holding out on her. Perhaps she was mugged on her way here? Or was she being followed by a stalker? But Yukiko is not about to mention it, fearing she might come across as being insensitive. But she reminds herself to escort Rise home, just in case. And maybe discuss it with Naoto as soon as she sees her. Satisfied with the decision, Yukiko gestures at Rise's cup. "Of course not. But I would suggest that you start with the tea first. It will grow cold otherwise."

"Oh. The tea. Of course. Green tea's my favourite. I'm sure it doesn't taste bitter. Ha ha." Rise smiles weakly. "W-well, okay. It'll get cold. Yeah." She takes a large gulp, and – to Yukiko's alarm – chokes.

Yukiko immediately runs to her desk, procures a handkerchief, and tries to help Rise by wiping her face. But the only good it seems to do is make her sputter more (it sounds more like laughter now, but usually choking and laughing do not go hand in hand). Rise takes the handkerchief and blows her nose into it.

"I- I'm sorry," Yukiko says when Rise has calmed down. "There must be something wrong with it. I'll tell the staff to throw out the current batch and-"

"No no, it's okay. It's my fault. Just went down the wrong way." Rise sounds reassuring, but she's cramming down mouthfuls of sweets.

"Are you sure-"

"Yep. Definitely." Now Rise is moving on to the meat buns. "By the way, do you have juice instead?"

"Well, the inn doesn't stock it, but I have a bottle of orange juice in my bag. You probably don't want it; I've already drank half of it and it's probably lukewarm by now."

"I won't complain even if it's sizzling hot. Please, sempai?"

"...alright." Yukiko takes her bag from under the desk and carries it back towards the table. She rummages through the backpack, taking out her textbooks and various items before reaching the bottom. She fetches the bottle and hands it to Rise.

She watches in fascination as Rise drinks from it. Chie is the only person Yukiko has ever shared a drink with – not because she thinks it's unhygienic, but more from the fear of the other person being disgusted with touching where Yukiko's lips has been. Yukiko knows Chie doesn't (or didn't) mind. But it's still... still such a strange sight, seeing Rise drink it without a grimace or any apparent expression other than the satisfied look of someone quenching her thirst. Chie said that ninety percent of the boys from school would gladly die for a swig from Yukiko's bottle – and the remaining ten percent are probably gay. Yukiko doesn't understand why they would die for something like, but she doesn't understand a lot of things anyway. She probably doesn't even understand herself.

But it's okay. She's just glad Rise is fine with it.

"That was good. Thanks a lot." Rise wipes her mouth and places the bottle on the table. "Ooh- can I see your wallet? It has the prettiest leather. Um. I mean, well, it's just pretty." And before Yukiko can say no, Rise has already snatched it, looking through the contents.

"I would rather not," Yukiko says, knowing it's futile because Rise continues her snooping as if she didn't hear anything. But her protests are halfhearted anyway, and in truth Yukiko is more surprised than annoyed at Rise's blatant disregard of other people's privacy. Such behaviour doesn't belong in her world. It's always yes sir please do you mind if I thank you have a good day. Well, there's Chie, but she's been

(only _friends_)

with Yukiko for as long as she remembers. And there are Yosuke and Teddie always stealing her food, too. She doesn't know why it's different, but she's not half as annoyed with Rise. But still, there's something she doesn't want Rise to

"Hey sempai? Why are you keeping this in your wallet?" Yukiko doesn't have to look to know she's referring to the photo of her and Chie taken when they were still in junior high. Rise flips it over to face her again, scrutinizing it intently. "Wow, your hair was really short. But Chie-sempai still looks the same."

Yukiko doesn't know if she should comment about their looks or answer the question. "It's..."

"I mean, it's kinda rare for people to only have a photo of their friend, you know. Usually there's also a photo of their boyfriends, a lot of purikura, and well, just a host of other things. And you definitely look better with long hair."

Yukiko wishes Rise doesn't change the topic with every sentence; it's getting confusing. And she wishes that the answer that pops into her head immediately isn't _because I love her_. But it is. So maybe she should focus on the hair instead. "Thanks," she says modestly, "it took a long time to grow it out." She hopes with this Rise can be distracted into talking about hair care and brands of shampoo or something like that. Not that Yukiko knows anything about it.

"Okay. So why only Chie-sempai's picture?"

So much for that. "Well, we're good friends. And I don't really have a boyfriend, so there's nothing else to put in there."

"No crushes?"

"No." Because it's not a crush anymore. It's love.

"Oh. 'Kay. Guess all the guys will be sad if they find out, then."

Yukiko has no answer for that, so she merely watches as Rise replaces the wallet and eats the rest of the food. – giving the green tea a wide berth, of course. Fifteen minutes passes before Rise pats her stomach with a satisfied sigh. "Thanks, Yukiko-sempai. The food's really good."

"I thank you for the compliment. We choose only the finest ingredients, and the cooks are selected for their prominent display of skills in their area of expertise."

There's that look again. But before Yukiko can ask about it, Rise stands and grabs her bag. "Well, today's been fun, but I have go back. Grandma's probably worrying right now."

"Wait. Let me get my keys; I'll escort you home."

"Huh? There's no need. Really. It's okay. It's close by, anyway."

"Yasoinaba and Inaba is not that close. What if there's a strange person?" Yukiko is about to step out, but when there's no sign of Rise following her, she glances back and sees that Rise is still rooted in place, wringing her hands.

"If you take me home, then you'll have to walk back alone. I can't let you do that"

Yukiko smiles. "I insist. We have a spare bicycle, so it shouldn't be a problem." And she has her fan, too. Just in case Rise's stalker shows up.

* * *

><p>"Didn't know you're into cycling, sempai," Rise says as they bike leisurely along the road running through the floodplains.<p>

"I usually don't, but it's convenient when I have to do the grocery. And Chie and I... we used to just circle the inn. Sometimes the woods behind it..." As she trails off, Yukiko immediately realises the slip and prays that Rise won't notice. She does, of course. There's probably very little Rise ever misses, thanks to Kanzeon.

"Used to?"

"Chie's bike broke," Yukiko says a bit too fast. Maybe she should have waited a few seconds, come to think of it.

Rise absently swerves away from a pothole. "But I just saw her bike to school a few days ago."

...ugh. "It broke yesterday?"

"...you're such a bad liar, sempai." When her statement is greeted only with Yukiko's silence, Rise suddenly ramps up her speed. "Race ya!"

Yukiko sighs and follows Rise's disappearing figure. Chie will never do that. She always waits for Yukiko to catch up, sometimes even slowing down to a snail's pace. Sometimes Chie would even lose a race on purpose when they were children. But she needs to stop comparing Rise with Chie, just because they're both women. She's not... she's not... but she is. Reaffirmed it when she confessed to Chie. But Rise's

Her thought is interrupted when she hears Rise's shout in the distance. "Sempaiii! Hurry up!"

"Hurry? But... it's going uphill..."

* * *

><p>Twenty minutes and many, many potholes and sharp turns later, Yukiko finds herself slumping against a wall. Her legs will definitely hurt tomorrow. "How can you be..." she gasps, still hyperventilating. "Be so... energetic?"<p>

"Probably because I run every afternoon if I can manage it. It's good for my health and helps me maintain my weight." Rise looks at Yukiko, frowning from concern. "Are you alright?"

No. She probably won't be able to walk after tonight. "Yes. Just... let me rest for a moment."

"By the way, there's mud stains on your shoes."

"...oh."

"And your hair's sticking out everywhere. And-" And suddenly Rise bursts out laughing. Yukiko looks at her and wonders if she looks so funny when she's suffering like this. "Sorry," Rise says when she regains her bearing. But only barely. "It's just... just a bit strange. Seeing this side of you."

Yukiko frowns. "This side?"

Rise folds her hand over her chest. It seems like she's considering the answer seriously. "Well..." she says, "it's just that you're always prim and proper even in the heat of battle, you know? I thought I'd never see the day when you're being anything but elegant. It's good to see you like this. Reminds me that you're actually pretty similar to us."

Yukiko can't fathom what Rise is aiming at. Elegant? Proper? But she's not like that. At least not yet elegant or proper enough to take over the inn. It's strange too, hearing it from an idol- no, just Rise. Because Rise is not Risette. And Yukiko can feel Rise's sincerity in her words, so she smiles and says: "thank you, Kujikawa-san. For telling me your thoughts."

"Oh. Um. You're- you're welcome. ...hey sempai? Just wait here for a moment, I'll get you water, okay?" Without waiting for Yukiko's reply, Rise disappears inside. She reappears moments later, holding out a bottle of ice cold water and a plastic bag. "Here," she holds them out. "It's some tofu and ganmodoki. Grandma just made it, so it should still be fresh. Tastes better."

"You shouldn't-"

Rise takes Yukiko's hand and gently places the handle of the plastic bag in a way that Yukiko's fingers are between it. "Oh come on sempai, don't be so polite. I'll place the water inside the basket, okay? It's the least I can do to thank you for escorting me back."

"Rise-chaaaan!"

"Coming!" Rise turns back towards Yukiko. "Thanks again. And be careful, okay? Please call me if anything comes up. And about the bike, I'll return it as soon as I can, is that alright?"

"Please don't worry about it."

"Okay then. Good night, sempai."

"Wait," Yukiko says as Rise is about to enter her house. "Since you have it anyway, let's... let's bike around Inaba sometime."

Rise looks surprised at the invitation, but then grins and says: "Okay. Let's do that."

And Yukiko finds herself alone, holding a bag of tofu in her hand. She doesn't know what came over her, why she said that to Rise. Maybe it's because she doesn't think of Chie as much when she is with Rise. And god knows it's so painful when there's only Chie Chie Chie in her mind. Maybe that's why, because Rise diverts her attention from the pain. Or maybe it's something else entirely, but she doesn't understand a lot of things, after all. And that's okay.

She places the bag into the basket and wheels her bicycle towards the road. But not before circling Marukyu a few times to ensure that no strange man is lurking anywhere near it.

* * *

><p>When Yukiko said 'let's bike around sometime,' she didn't mean waking her at six in the morning. Or showing up in her room and nearly giving her a heart attack.<p>

Yukiko, of course, shrieks when she sees Rise's face hovering above her own, staring at her intently.

"Oh hello. Good morning sempai. Good weather huh?" Rise says, smiling widely.

"What. What. Why. How-"

"Well, auntie invited me in and told me to just go grab you from your room when I mentioned we're going biking." She frowns when her greeting fails to have any perceivable effect on Yukiko. "You okay?"

Yukiko is still reeling from shock. She was- she just had a dream involving Chie... and some Shadows. And swords. And being chased by a cockroach. Chie was saying. Chie was saying. She doesn't remember what Chie was saying, or whether it was a pleasant dream or not. But seeing Rise's face like that, she decides it must be a nightmare. She must still be dreaming. So she pulls her blanket up to cover her head and rolls sideways in a foetal position. Right. The apparition is disappearing. Now going back to

The blanket is promptly pulled away.

She would have screamed, if her training doesn't require her to be proper, regardless of the situation. But then she wonders if there is any etiquette regarding this situation at all.

Rise pouts. "Oh come on sempai, don't just stare at me like I'm a ghost. We have to get going – we'll be late for breakfast if we dally."

"Break...fast?" Yukiko says as she calms her racing heart. Breath in. Breath out. Breath in. Remember what mother says being. Being. Thinking is of no use when someone has just sneaked into your room and stole your blanket.

"Yep. Breakfast after exercise is always the best. I'll go out and wait for you to change, okay?" Rise says, and as she is about to step out of the room, she turns and grins. "By the way, you look really nice like that. Just don't let any guys see you."

"...Nice?" Yukiko says to the shut door, then looks down and sees her night robe slipping off her shoulders. She hopes there is a hole somewhere, just so she can climb inside it and die from sheer willpower.

* * *

><p>Her mother, of course, confronts her again as she is about to leave the house. "It's so nice seeing you have such a close friend. Besides, you're so pale, some exercise will do good for you. Right, Rise-chan?"<p>

"Exactly. I only want the best for Yukiko-sempai, after all."

Yukiko makes a mental note to go through the back door or climb from a window the next time she leaves or enters the house. She glances beseechingly at her mother, praying that she'll give her some errands to do, cook breakfast, break some lumber, move a boulder. Anything, anything at all. Of course, her mother is oblivious, both of them beaming like two tiny suns at her.

She feels like she's supposed to say something. "Um," is all she can manage. She's not sure if she's supposed to comment about her being pale, the exercise, or affirm Rise wanting the best for her. Maybe all three. But it will require her to make more than one coherent sentence, but she isn't sure she can even string a few words together. Having low blood pressure can be dangerous sometimes, like when Souji insisted they enter the TV before school. She ended up exploding a room with a misfired maragidyne.

And then there are times like this, too.

"Here, I made some snacks for both of you, just in case you get hungry. Have fun, children!"

Rise bows, then takes Yukiko's wrist and drags her gently towards the door. "Sempaai! Don't be such a zombie! It's a nice morning – hear the birds chirp and enjoy life. And leave your fan here. Just in case."

And so Yukiko finds herself outside with chirping birds, completely fanless, armed with only a pair of well-worn sneakers; a shirt and black Bermuda shorts; some snacks; and an over-active girl that might be planning something horrible.

**Continued**

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><p><em>Next: In which Chie says something horrible, Yukiko gets depressed, and Rise gleefully runs into potholes. <em>


	3. Chapter 3

**Shades of Grey**

Disclaimer: Do not own p4.

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><p>"So. What's going on with you and Chie-sempai?"<p>

Yukiko almost runs into a ditch. "Why- why are you asking about that?"

"Well, it's just that you guys are acting weird around each other," Rise replies airily. Then she purposely runs into the ditch and gives a happy yelp when she briefly propels into the air.

"Weird? Like... like what?" Because they've been acting normally, and there's no way Rise would know... would know about that. Unless Chie has mentioned it to the group, but it's Chie, and there's no way she would do that.

This time Rise is aiming for a succession of potholes, and amicably succeeds. "It's just that," she says when she regains her bearings, "you guys are not talking too much. And you're barely looking at each other during the dungeons – and when you do, the other person would turn away and stare at a wall. Kinda suspicious, don't you think? And there's lunch, too. Chie-sempai's been hanging out with the guys from the sport clubs more than she does with you. Though I don't know why you'd hang with Ebihara-sempai..."

Oh. Those. She doesn't remember doing them on purpose, but it's- sometimes it's awkward being with Chie. Because she can't face it if she sees disgust in Chie's eyes, instead of her usual tenderness. Yukiko doesn't think she can live with herself if that happens; it's easier to avoid than to confront, after all. "Ebihara-san is a nice person," she says finally, "if you get to know her."

"If you get to reeeeeally know her, sure."

After that they ride in silence, and Yukiko is just glad Rise isn't pursuing the matter any more. If she does, Yukiko is afraid she might break down and tell her everything – sometimes Rise just has that effect on people. And she's afraid she will see the disgust she imagines seeing in Chie. Because being a lesbian has a certain stigma attached to it, especially in a small town like Inaba. She's different, and she knows it. She thought Chie wouldn't mind. But she does. Ran away from her like she's the vilest creature on earth. Viler than Shadows; viler than anything they've encountered. Rise will no doubt act the same if she finds out. She can't. Can't let that happen. And the dream... what was it again? Something about

The sound of running water snaps her out of her thoughts. She looks away from the bicycle's handle bar and sees a small stream running through a clearing. She parks her bike and stares at in wonder. "I never knew..."

"Yep. I used to go here when I was sad, before I left Inaba. It makes me think I'm the only person in the world – and when there's no one else but you, all your problems kind of disappear. For a while at least." Rise grins wryly. "Oh jeez, I just said something totally embarrassing, didn't I?"

Yukiko smiles at her unease. "Not at all. Sometimes I feel the same. But instead of solitude I chose to run away. Looking at the blurred scenery from the window and thinking that it's a one way track. Of course, in the end I always came back."

"Running away. We do that a lot."

Not as much as I do; it's my only talent, Yukiko wants to say, but the scenery has a calming effect, and it's not something she can say in fear of ruining the moment. In fear of breaking the dam to her fears and insecurities. She's thinking about changing the topic to something more light-hearted, but suddenly there are footsteps behind her. She turns around.

"Chi- Chie?"

"Yukiko? What are you doing here?"

Yukiko has no doubt that Chie's expression mirrors her own. "I- I was just. Kujikawa-san-" She turns around, but the girl nor the bike are nowhere to be seen. Oh. So this is what the horrible plan is. She mentally hits herself. Chie _did _mention she likes to go to the woods and kick some trees in the morning as part of her training. She should have realised it.

"Ok. So." Chie takes a seat beside her and stretches her legs. "Uh... we haven't talked too much lately huh?"

"We've been busy with the TV and school."

"Yeah. It's getting pretty taxing nowadays." Both of them know that it's a big, fat lie. Yukiko also knows that she can talk about aliens and being kidnapped lightly, and still have Chie nodding along with her, because that's how precarious their relationship is. "So uh... what's with you and Rise lately?"

"What's with me and her?"

"You've been together a lot. And she's always... watching out for you more in the TV, I suppose."

"Watching out for me?" Why does everyone pick this day to interrogate her about her personal relationships in the TV world? Well, of course Rise would, she probably has everything planned out, including this encounter, but Chie? And about Rise, no less.

Chie flicks a blade of grass. "Constantly saying watch out Yukiko-sempai! Or warning the group if you're lagging behind, or fussing when you're having status ailments. Stuff like that."

Well, 'stuff like that' is a pretty vague term. Yukiko doesn't under- Oh. So it's _that_ question.

Chie's way of asking "oh hey, so since I just rejected you, does it mean that you're moving on to a new target?"

Her temper flares. "Just because I'm a lesbian doesn't mean I'm falling in love left and right with other women, Chie." Lesbian. It feels like such a dirty word in Yukiko's mouth. But there's no way around saying it. Gay? Sexually deviant? It just boils down to the same thing: she's just a freak of nature.

"No I-" Chie stares at her, wide eyed with shock. "I- I didn't mean it that way. Please don't, I mean, don't take it wrongly. I'm just concerned about you, okay? I really am."

Then why haven't I received a single call from you? Why aren't we sitting together at lunch anymore? Why are you asking Souji for help with homework when it used to be me?

"Of course you are," Yukiko says.

"Is that... sarcasm?"

"Probably not." Because she doesn't even know it herself. Maybe it is. Maybe she half believes that Chie still actually cares about her. But that's just delusional – she can't ask _anyone_ to care about her, not when she came out of the closet so dramatically she practically busted the doors open. Neither does she understand why she's being so snappy with Chie. She's just trying to be a cordial friend, isn't she?

Chie laughs awkwardly. "Sorry. Yeah. Probably not. I'm such an idiot I don't even know about that. Sorry about asking about Rise. It's not my business anyway." But it is. Was. Everything about Yukiko used to be Chie's business. How did it everything change so fast?

"It's okay. I apologise for being so snappy. It's just... that it's so early."

"Yeah, you're such a bad riser. At least Souji never drags us there again ever since we left with burns and singed hair."

"Indeed."

Yukiko wonders if they have ever had silence so awkward and so complete like this before. There was always something to talk about – even when the conversation was one sided, with Chie chattering away and Yukiko listening silently.

"Hey, Yukiko?" Chie says, wringing her hands now. "There's... something I need to tell you. It's probably not a good time, but I don't want to hide anything from you. And you deserve to know first. Since we're... we're best friends, right?" She smiles, but it looks forced and unnatural, because Chie doesn't smile like that. Her smile always reminds Yukiko of the sun (how ironic that she was the one who ended with the sun; her, the girl who despises her own name), bright, full of life. The smile Chie's wearing now reminds her of stilted branches and gangly trees.

Fake. Fake. Fake.

She doesn't want to hear it. Wants to cover her ears and make an excuse to run back. She knows it's something she won't like, and if she lets it break again, she's not sure if she would recover, if there's anyone to pick up the pieces. "I-"

"I'm going out with Daisuke."

The pieces. No one to pick it up.

"Congratulations," Yukiko says, and gives Chie her widest, happiest smile.

She remembers the dream now. It was just something simple: an ordinary day of just walking aimlessly through the shopping district eating ice cream; laughing together, hand-in-hand.

* * *

><p>She meant well. She really did. When she left Yukiko alone with Chie, she hoped they would resolve whatever was going on between them and be buddies again instead of going around misfiring agis or bufus and destroying half of the dungeon.<p>

"Break. Let's go home and take a rest; we'll re-attempt this in a few days," Souji says, packing up his equipment and setting out for the exit.

Yosuke brushes the ash from his clothes and pops a medicine. "You sure? Because we just barely cleared a level."

"I'm sure," Souji says, glancing at Chie and Yukiko. Both were both looking guiltily at their shoes. "There's no use doing this right now. Let's go, Yosuke."

"If you say so, partner." Yosuke shrugs, pockets his blades and trudges behind Souji.

The rest of them falls behind Yosuke, and after briefly pondering, Rise decides to once again waylay Yukiko. Come to think of it, maybe she should have done it to Chie instead, but she has the feeling Yukiko might be easier to pry information from. Besides, she was never too close with Chie in the first place.

In order not to repeat the same pattern (and because originality is a must – a certain occupational hazard), she won't ambush her inside the TV.

Keeping at least a ten metre distance at all times, Rise makes sure she never loses Yukiko's trail. There are a lot of hiding places, after all. The corner of a turn; telephone poles; behind random people; bushes. Good. She's walking towards the river bank, and they're both alone. She creeps forward slowly. Closer. Closer. And musters all the acting ability she possesses to win an award for nonchalance. "Whatcha doing here, sempai?"

Instead of being surprised or indignant at the interruption, Yukiko merely pats the spot next to her and resumes staring into the distance. Apparently Rise's snooping isn't news anymore.

"Yeah. And thanks for letting me join you." Oh god, how many times have she done this the past few days? She feels like a stalker whose plans almost always backfire. Not only is she a stalker, apparently she's a also a failed one, too. It's definitely time to be blunt. "Tell me what's going on with you and Chie-sempai. And by that I mean the whole thing. Beginning to end."

Yukiko isn't looking at her. "I told you, there's nothing-"

"Stop saying that, please. Our team work is suffering because you two are barely compatible together, if this goes on, it'll hinder our progression and force sempai to switch one of you out. You know we can't do that – both of you are the best, after him."

"Switch me out, then."

"Can't. You're the healer."

"Then tell Seta-kun to make a persona that can heal."

Rise sighs. Even her patience has its limit. "Look, sempai. I know that mostly I just stand around yelling encouragements and analysing enemies, but believe it or not, it's also my job to ensure the team work is going smoothly. And right now it's not."

"I... apologise for that. For being a nuisance," Yukiko says, staring at her knees. ...then she inhales deeply. "No. You're right. I _am_ hindering our progress. I'll... tell you everything. And I understand if you don't want to talk to me afterward. Or be in my presence"

"Why would I do that?" Unless she's the one who's been throwing people into the TV. But that's pretty unlikely.

"Because I'm in love with Chie," Yukiko says unhesitatingly, as if she has been bracing for this moment for a long time.

Rise blinks. "Huh. Okay."

Yukiko looks so surprised her mouth is gaping open. "Okay? But- aren't you going to- to run away or slap me?"

"Why? Oh. That's what you've been afraid of. I don't care about that. Why would anyone? Anyway," Rise says, "Chie-sempai rejected you, didn't she?"

"But I'm a lesb—"

"So? You're still Yukiko-sempai, even if you like to do it with horses. Okay. Maybe not. Anyway. Chie-sempai. Did she?" Rise really isn't much of a subtle person, because look at where subtlety got her. Yukiko can take blunt; she isn't as fragile as she looks. How can someone who survived her Shadow and able to one hit a tank be fragile?

Her guess must have hit a bull's eye, because despite the distracted way Yukiko is skimming stones over the water, Rise can guess how she's feeling; it's as if Rise's heart feels the pain alongside with her. Feels like she wants to hug her and kiss her and say that everything's alright, sempai.

Kiss? That's... strange.

"...she did, didn't she? ...I'm sorry. It's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

"She ran away."

"Ran..."

The stone skips three times before it plunges. "When I told her I love her."

"Oh. I see," Rise says when she can't find any other safe alternative.

"It's a normal response after knowing that your best friend has always been gay for you."

"No it's—"

"Yesterday she told me she's going out with Nagase-kun."

Uh.

"...wow, that's a shitty action from Chie-sempai." Because it really is. Rise doesn't understand why Chie would tell someone so obviously in love with her that she's dating another guy. Imagine the hurt it would inflict. But Rise doesn't have to imagine, because here she is, seeing the aftermath inflicted by the careless words.

"She just thinks that it's best for me to know." There's a throw again, but this time the stone sinks immediately.

"It's still not right," Rise starts adamantly. "She shouldn't have done that. That was just selfish and stupid- urgh. Sorry, shouldn't have said that."

Half expecting to see Yukiko angry for having her crush's intelligence being questioned, Rise glances sideways, and is not at all surprised to see Yukiko's lips set in a thin line. Okay. Insulting Chie _was_ a shitty action on her part.

She's about to apologise when she realises that it isn't anger that is causing Yukiko to purse her lips like that. It's the effort of smothering a smile.

"Chie might be an idiot sometimes, but she's a nice idiot." By the end of the last sentence, Yukiko is smiling beautifully.

What Yukiko has said was akin to: he's an idiot, but he _my _idiot. For some reason, she is not at all happy at the thought of Yukiko using the possessive pronoun to refer to Chie.

"She won't hurt me intentionally. Or at least..."

"She tries not to?"

"...yes."

The smile has disappeared to be replaced by the blank expression that seems to be Yukiko's fall-back expression these days.

By then Rise has realised three things.

One: Yukiko is still crazy in love with Chie.

Two: Rise doesn't like it. At all.

Three: if Rise had been in Chie's shoes, she would have done things very differently.

"If I were Chie-sempai, I wouldn't have run away," Rise says. Yukiko maintains her silence, but she is looking at Rise. "I would have said yes in a heartbeat." Or eight. Because realistically, she'll have to get over her shock first. But she would have said yes. Definitely yes.

For some reason, yes.

"You wouldn't. But thank you, for trying to make me feel better."

And even with Yukiko looking like that, arms encircling her knees, staring blankly at the water, Rise still thinks she's extremely beautiful. There aren't really girls like her in the city, the elegance of beauty unaltered by hair dyes, thick make-ups and outrageous fashion. It's just that her sempai is extremely beautiful and Rise can't help but feel her heart skip a beat every time she looks at her. But then again, maybe it's not just jealousy over someone prettier than you; her heart did race yesterday when she saw Yukiko in her robes, didn't it?

She doesn't believe what she's going to do – because it's really just an impulsive action. Or maybe not. Maybe she's planned this all along: the stalking, the snooping, her worried nagging for Yukiko's safety in the dungeon. Maybe it's a subconscious thing. Maybe she just likes her beauty. Maybe-

"I'm not saying that just to make you feel better," Rise says, and grabs Yukiko's arm. She forces her body to lean towards hers and kisses her.

Yukiko's trying to pull away, but Rise isn't relenting. She knows Yukiko protests are half-hearted, because soon she feels arms encircling her back, pulling her tighter into an embrace. They stayed that way for a long time, so long Rise is dizzy from the sensation, from Yukiko's scent. It's just a chaste kiss, but it's pleasant and feels oh so right, somehow. Pleasant and... her heart is beating so rapidly she's worried.

Pleasant and right and

Yukiko pulls away. "Kujikawa-san..." she says, in a tone that suggested she can't quite believe what has just transpired.

Well, that makes it both of them. Did she just- right. She did. Maybe she should hurl herself into the river right now, because just kissing Yukiko like that – and so suddenly, too – it just seems inappropriate. But Rise likes it. Likes the taste of Yukiko on her lips. "I... I apologise. But I think I like you. Guess that makes me a lesbian too, huh?" She says, smiling wryly. "Be my girlfriend, sempai."

Because hey, she's a blunt person. Can't help it. She's decides that she really likes Yukiko, and that's it.

Yukiko is still holding her arms tightly, body facing towards her, slightly out of breath. "I- you... like... me?"

"I do."

"But Chie..."

Rise sighs. "I know that it's very sudden, and I know that you still love Chie-sempai. But it's okay, I understand. Just risk it, maybe we'll work it out. Maybe we won't, and that's alright. I just don't want to see you suffer anymore, sempai." Although it's not much of a confession speech (because she has only realised her own feeling a few minutes ago), it feels like the right thing to say – she meant it from her heart, after all. But Yukiko is silent for so long, she feels her confidence starting to waver. It was an impulsive action, and impulsive actions never seem to end right. She picks a pebble and skips it across the water. Seven times; a personal record. Perhaps it's time to go. She is about to brush the grass off her skirt when Yukiko's hand finds her own. "Sempai?"

Yukiko is glancing downwards, but Rise can still see the shade of red in her cheeks. Like how she can see that Yukiko is biting her lips – another sign of agitation Rise has learned to look for in the dungeons.

"I..." Yukiko says haltingly, picking her words. Fails. "Thank you, Kujikawa-san. But I. I-"

Yes. It's time to go, Rise realised as Yukiko falters and grasps for meaningless, polite words. Rise knows what she's going to say next. Something like, I'm very pleased to receive your confession, but sadly I...

Suddenly like guys. Do not like anyone but Chie. Am suddenly in love with Seta-kun/Teddie/Kanji-kun/Naoto-kun/Hanamura-kun/Dojima-san/that old man in front of the shrine. Am weirded out by the sudden confession of a closet-lesbian underclassman-slash-idol.

What was she _thinking?_

**Continued**

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><p><em>Next: Souji plays Mr. Consultant to a bunch of miserable people and thinks about the exquisiteness of well-made tempura. Maybe.<em>


End file.
